Do What Bloomberg Says or Die
If you asked me prior to this particular freak out what the Bloomberg Report was, I would not entirely know. I would assume it was business-y show-maybe a Situation Room, The O’Reilly Factor or a yearly State of the city of New York address.
I now know that it is a “major global provider of 24-hour financial news and information including real-time and historic price data, financial data, trading news and analyst coverage, as well as general news and sport”.
How do I know this? Well, I looked it up but also because on a dark and cloudy night in January, the ticker on the bottom of the television screen of Bloomberg was the sole deciding factor of whether I lived or died.
If I did what the ticker said, I would live. If I didn’t…certain doom. The problem was I had no idea how to read the information being given to me on the scrolling ticker. I stood bent over with my face pressed against the screen waiting for my clear instructions.
Fear gripped me as I tried to decipher what the numbers representing the Dow, Nasdaq and S&P could possibly mean and how I would apply them to my current situation. My heart was beating inside my chest and my thoughts went to my kids who were going to lose their mother because Mr. Imming, my tight pant wearing, hands crisscrossed in back pocket sporting, chalk throwing, a little too into the 1st grade boys acting-8th grade teacher put me in the dumb math group while the smart math group were taught how to read stocks. Freaking Mr. Imming.
I woke up. Standing so close to the TV that the static had caught all the hair framing my face, less scared and more pissed. Becoming increasingly mortified as I returned to consciousness that I just spent my sleeping hours waiting on Bloomberg and cursing a pedifile from my past.
This is really funny, but watching you tell it in person is funnier.
Not sure if you guys ever listened to Jesus Shaves ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5apZmwR9UI ), so you may or may not trust my idea of what’s funny in the realm of other peoples stories, but this guy’s story ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU2KRBh1MOA ) was the first thing I ever heard about parasomnia. In fact, I didn’t know that’s what it actually was (he just calls it sleepwalking) until you started this blog.
So what you are saying is that I tell a story better than I write it. Wow, thanks..and I thought I had a gift. If your SABFF cant tell you the truth-who can?
No, we haven’t watched it but I am going to tonight.